Ethnography Paper

Well, it had to come some time. Yay, research paper. Alright, well the main discourse community I’ve been tossing around in my head is the drag community, namely the one here in San Diego that ranges from the smaller, less polished community here on campus to the more professional, cleaned up drag bar community. I love drag and I love drag queens; it’s a world that I have come to admire and respect and I want to know more. I want to give them the respect and notoriety they deserve while deepening my own knowledge of their world as well. Drag has always intrigued me, especially really well done drag. Some of these men are absolutely beautiful! And the nice thing about drag is that it’s always done with a huge amount of respect for women; they understand the price of beauty and all the scrutiny women are put under and celebrate what makes women special. I know a fair amount about the drag community, although there are a few things I could stand to learn about. Most drag queens, especially some of the queens who’ve been doing drag for a long time, look up to queens like RuPaul and Divine because they paved the way for modern queens to be more prevalent in movies, on TV, and in mainstream media. Queens also pull form famous divas like Liza Minelli, Whitney Houston, Madonna, etc. as well as cult classic movies like Whatever Happened to Baby Jane, Too Wong Foo, and Showgirls. I know that drag queens are usually gay men who consider dressing up as women an art form and spend most of their lives perfecting it. Some are dancers, some are comedians, some are master seamstresses/ makeup artists, some are pageant girls, the list goes on. They have their own language, slang, and other communicative practices that my friends and I use on a daily basis. If you’ve ever heard anybody say, “YAAAAAAAAASSSS QUEEN!” that’s a drag thing. I’m headed toward providing a deeper understanding of the drag world and sharing that with my classmates. I will research some of the movies, the origins of drag, and the current drag scene. I’ve also been considering maybe the world of RPGs (role-playing games), such as Dungeons and Dragons and Pathfinder. Why? Well my boyfriend was really into it for a while and I tried to play a few times but didn’t really understand it much. However, creating storylines for quests and stuff I found to be pretty cool and I know there’s still a pretty large community of people who still play on a weekly basis. RPG communities definitely have their own language and communicative practices that I’m actually eager to learn about. I’ve always been interested in wizards, magic, mythical creatures, all that jazz; I love Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings which is basically just a really long D&D quest. RPGs are kind of like live action video games and they can teach one how to strategize. I also like that you can create your own character and give it its own little personality and you can have magic and all that good stuff. I was an elf the last time I played and the entire time I was picturing Legolas just kicking orc ass and taking names. I know that most RPG-ers are young men (usually single unless you’re my boyfriend) that enjoy spending time creating imaginary worlds, playing video games, and things of that nature. RPGs take up a whole day and sometimes the quest will take a whole week or longer to complete. Each character has certain levels of magic, strength, charisma, etc. that change as the game goes on. There’s a dungeon master who creates the quest and decides what happens and what other players can and can’t do. There are usually a variety of dice used to decide on the success of a turn or an element of a character or whatever else the DM deems necessary. Sometimes players draw their course out and mark their characters with figurines, like a board game. I’m also headed for a better understanding of the games, how they actually work, and the effort that goes into making quests. I will research the origins of the game as well as the people who still play it and how it’s changed over the years.

Working in the Theatre

One thing I’ve learned being in the theatre here at SDSU is that you have to be a professional at all times. You can still make friends, goof around, and have fun, but it’s still a job and you’re expected to act like an adult when the situation calls for it. I was an assistant stage manager for a musical here on campus back in 2015 and it was probably one of the hardest jobs I’ve ever had to do and that’s coming from someone who worked at a Starbucks next to a high school. I had many responsibilities and my stage manager relied on me to accomplish these tasks in a prompt and timely matter. We did a musical that took place in a Florida trailer park so we had two trailers on stage that could rotate to reveal an interior with the help of automation. However, the set designers decided to try out a new automation technique on one of the trailers and of course, during one of the shows, it broke down. And of course it was the trailer on my side of the stage! So what ended up happening was I had to wait for the automation cue and conduct two stage crew members to turn the trailer at the right time, in the right direction.  It was probably the most stressed I’d ever been in my life and I screwed the call up a few times, which only made it worse. In that moment, I wasn’t very professional and I lost my cool a little bit, but I learned that from then on, I had to keep a level head and take things as they come. I’ve also learned that working behind the scenes on a show is usually a lot of tedious, thankless work and you just gotta trudge on and act like it doesn’t bother you. I mean, I don’t need anyone to kiss my ass, but a “Thank you for all your hard work” would’ve been nice to hear once and a while instead of being ignored and having all the focus be on the actors. On the acting side of this career I’ve chosen for myself, you still need to be professional, but you also need to stay humble; you don’t know everything there is to know about acting and you never will so don’t act like you do. It’s so important to have a good attitude; it could mean the difference in whether or not you’ll get the part. If you’re an okay actor and a nice person, the director may pick you over the talented jerk. When I’m acting, I’m an eager student willing to learn more about this person whose life I’m now stepping into. Directors like actors who are willing to delve into the world of the play and are willing to go to places inside themselves that they may not have visited before. I’m also aware that this part of the job usually involves a lot of rejection and as an actor you have to be able to handle rejection; this is something I myself still really struggle with. In this business, as well as in life, there’s always going to be someone who is better than you and the best thing you can do is respect that person’s talent and continue working on yours and hope it’ll be right for the next job. Jealousy will get you nowhere and it just makes you look bitter. It also helps to know your theatre history in this business; you should know the classics as well as what’s new and exciting. Works allude to each other all the time and it’s important to know what they mean. Personally, I should read up on some of the more contemporary plays and there’s a few Shakespeare plays I haven’t read yet that I need to. You also have to learn to be very in touch with your emotions and be able to sift through them in order to find the right one for your role. Be warned, you might cry, but that’s ok, you gotta get that emotion out somehow. I picked a career that is difficult to get into, but I love it and I can’t see myself doing anything else. I know what I’m up against and I know what I need to do to be better.

The Making of Me

One thing that’s always been true about me is that I’ve always been true to who I am and have never tried to change my entire personality to please others. However, I’ve changed parts of it in order to adapt to the many social situations I encounter on a daily basis. For example, when I first became interested in theater I didn’t know very many plays or musicals, so in order to fit in with and understand the theater community I began listening to certain songs and reading more plays and started to understand what everybody was talking about. Now when I introduce myself, part of my identity kit is my love for theater. I’m still not fully versed in everything that’s ever been onstage but I know a lot more now than I did then. Another part of my identity kit, as you may have seen in my introductory blog, is my love of classic rock music, like the Beatles. That came from being raised by children of the sixties. Both of my parents were born around the time of the British Invasion and my mother was an aerobics instructor in the eighties so there was always some kind of vintage music playing around me as I grew up. I developed a very eclectic taste in music, being exposed to music from the past as well as music that’s popular now. My Spotify playlist is a hodgepodge of music from all eras in recent musical history, for instance, right now as I’m writing this I’m listening to “The Boxer” by Simon and Garfunkel and up next is “Halfway Gone” by Lifehouse. This early exposure to classic rock turned into another element of my forming identity kit and is now a part of who I am. This summer, I applied for my first job, so I had to create a whole new identity kit in order to seem like the hiring kind. I had to present myself in a professional manner and convince my future employer that I was a trustworthy, hard-working individual that was right for this job. I really had to be a big kid and really be in charge of everything because I was entering a very adult part of life and I knew no one was gonna hold my hand through this. There was a lot expected of me and I was expected to act like a professional so I did and I made through the summer and made some pretty good money. I’m trying to think of an instance when I mushfaked, but you know the deal – it like when someone asks you to pick a song to play in the car, suddenly you forget every song you’ve ever known. I really can’t think of an exact moment in my life where I’ve had to work with less because I didn’t have everything I needed. I literally cannot think of anything. Well based on what Gee says, I guess it’s more like pretending you know stuff when you really don’t and I guess we’ve all done that. When my friends talk about musicals I haven’t seen or heard of I just kinda nod a long and smile, trying to hide the fact that I have no clue what’s going on. However, I’ll usually go home and research so when I come back to that conversation, I can actually have something to contribute rather than just an awkward smile. Like for example, I still don’t know that much about the musical Hamilton, but I know the basic plot, a few songs, and some of the actors so now I’m not completely lost when people talk about it. I have no idea how to adult but I pretend like I do so it looks like I have all my sh*t together when really I’m kind of a hot mess. Usually on these blogs when I run out of things to say I just say what’s on my mind so it looks like I have more to say on the subject of the blog. Oh no you’ve discovered my secret! Shhh, don’t tell anyone. Oh look I’m doing it now. You are witnessing live action mushfaking. You’re welcome.    

Fitting In

Ok, so before I get started on this, I just want to say that I thought Blog #5 was the one we could decide whether or not to do and that’s the reason I didn’t do it. And when did I realize this? Tuesday evening. Score one for me -_- Anyway, let’s get to this blog. Let’s talk about the different personalities we take on depending on where we are. I’ll start about how I am at home; home is where I know I’m safe and I can just be me and not have to worry about impressing anybody. At home, I “need” to be a good kid for my folks by being respectful and nice to them, but I also “get” to be myself and be comfortable knowing I’m home. When I’m at home, I’m also in my parents’ house, who provide for me and make sure I have everything I need, so I do my best to respect them and their wishes. This has gotten me a lot of flack from my friends, because I still ask their permission for things, I’m home when they ask me to be, and I try to follow their rules. My friends don’t really understand why I still sometimes behave like I’m still in high school when it comes to my parents because their situation is different from mine. My parents actually let me do a lot and they recognize that I am an adult now and really for the most part just let me do my own thing. However since they do so much for me, it’s the least I can do to do the little things they ask of me. At school, I’m among my peers so I’m a little more aware of my actions and try my best to seem l like I have all my stuff together (HA good one). We all want to have friends so we do different things and behave certain ways to attract potential friends. My first attempt is usually to appear funny because I really respect people who know their way around a joke. At school, I “need” to be chill and maybe a little funny, but also I need to focus on my schoolwork so I can graduate on time. I sound a little desperate for friends, but I assure you I do have friends and don’t have to worry about being “cool” or whatever around them. They accept me for who I am and I accept them. It’s not too much to navigate between these two worlds; it’s not like I’m a completely different person when I’m at home then when I’m at school. At school I am a bit more eager to try things that maybe the folks wouldn’t agree with because I’m away from them and they don’t really need to know anyway. I’m not breaking the law I promise I’m just talking about maybe getting a new piercing or coloring my hair, you know just having a little more fun. When I was a freshman, I wasn’t used to having so much freedom and being away from my parents. I had never had more than a sip of alcohol before college and now sometimes memories of nights out are a little foggy. I do know to reel it in a bit when I’m home because I’m back under my parents’ roof and I have THE WORST GUILTY CONSCIENE EVER. OH MY GOD I AM THE WORST LIAR EVER AND I FESS UP TO JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING. I guess that’s a good thing, but it has gotten me in so much trouble sometimes. I don’t know if my behavior at these two places is out of necessity, it feels more like it’s how I was taught and it’s worked so far so I’ve stuck with it. It’s more like it’s just my personality now: I’m comfortable and respectful at home and a little more independent and eager to meet new people at school. I don’t really feel I need to be a certain way at school. I’m just me and some people like it and some don’t and that’s their thing. It’s been like that ever since I was little. I was always pretty secure in myself and wasn’t concerned about being “cool” or whatever and that threatened some people so they tried to make themselves feel better by taking me down. Unfortunately, that’s still the case sometimes, but like I said I have people now who like me for me and I don’t need to be anything other than myself.