Fitting In

Ok, so before I get started on this, I just want to say that I thought Blog #5 was the one we could decide whether or not to do and that’s the reason I didn’t do it. And when did I realize this? Tuesday evening. Score one for me -_- Anyway, let’s get to this blog. Let’s talk about the different personalities we take on depending on where we are. I’ll start about how I am at home; home is where I know I’m safe and I can just be me and not have to worry about impressing anybody. At home, I “need” to be a good kid for my folks by being respectful and nice to them, but I also “get” to be myself and be comfortable knowing I’m home. When I’m at home, I’m also in my parents’ house, who provide for me and make sure I have everything I need, so I do my best to respect them and their wishes. This has gotten me a lot of flack from my friends, because I still ask their permission for things, I’m home when they ask me to be, and I try to follow their rules. My friends don’t really understand why I still sometimes behave like I’m still in high school when it comes to my parents because their situation is different from mine. My parents actually let me do a lot and they recognize that I am an adult now and really for the most part just let me do my own thing. However since they do so much for me, it’s the least I can do to do the little things they ask of me. At school, I’m among my peers so I’m a little more aware of my actions and try my best to seem l like I have all my stuff together (HA good one). We all want to have friends so we do different things and behave certain ways to attract potential friends. My first attempt is usually to appear funny because I really respect people who know their way around a joke. At school, I “need” to be chill and maybe a little funny, but also I need to focus on my schoolwork so I can graduate on time. I sound a little desperate for friends, but I assure you I do have friends and don’t have to worry about being “cool” or whatever around them. They accept me for who I am and I accept them. It’s not too much to navigate between these two worlds; it’s not like I’m a completely different person when I’m at home then when I’m at school. At school I am a bit more eager to try things that maybe the folks wouldn’t agree with because I’m away from them and they don’t really need to know anyway. I’m not breaking the law I promise I’m just talking about maybe getting a new piercing or coloring my hair, you know just having a little more fun. When I was a freshman, I wasn’t used to having so much freedom and being away from my parents. I had never had more than a sip of alcohol before college and now sometimes memories of nights out are a little foggy. I do know to reel it in a bit when I’m home because I’m back under my parents’ roof and I have THE WORST GUILTY CONSCIENE EVER. OH MY GOD I AM THE WORST LIAR EVER AND I FESS UP TO JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING. I guess that’s a good thing, but it has gotten me in so much trouble sometimes. I don’t know if my behavior at these two places is out of necessity, it feels more like it’s how I was taught and it’s worked so far so I’ve stuck with it. It’s more like it’s just my personality now: I’m comfortable and respectful at home and a little more independent and eager to meet new people at school. I don’t really feel I need to be a certain way at school. I’m just me and some people like it and some don’t and that’s their thing. It’s been like that ever since I was little. I was always pretty secure in myself and wasn’t concerned about being “cool” or whatever and that threatened some people so they tried to make themselves feel better by taking me down. Unfortunately, that’s still the case sometimes, but like I said I have people now who like me for me and I don’t need to be anything other than myself.