The Making of Me

One thing that’s always been true about me is that I’ve always been true to who I am and have never tried to change my entire personality to please others. However, I’ve changed parts of it in order to adapt to the many social situations I encounter on a daily basis. For example, when I first became interested in theater I didn’t know very many plays or musicals, so in order to fit in with and understand the theater community I began listening to certain songs and reading more plays and started to understand what everybody was talking about. Now when I introduce myself, part of my identity kit is my love for theater. I’m still not fully versed in everything that’s ever been onstage but I know a lot more now than I did then. Another part of my identity kit, as you may have seen in my introductory blog, is my love of classic rock music, like the Beatles. That came from being raised by children of the sixties. Both of my parents were born around the time of the British Invasion and my mother was an aerobics instructor in the eighties so there was always some kind of vintage music playing around me as I grew up. I developed a very eclectic taste in music, being exposed to music from the past as well as music that’s popular now. My Spotify playlist is a hodgepodge of music from all eras in recent musical history, for instance, right now as I’m writing this I’m listening to “The Boxer” by Simon and Garfunkel and up next is “Halfway Gone” by Lifehouse. This early exposure to classic rock turned into another element of my forming identity kit and is now a part of who I am. This summer, I applied for my first job, so I had to create a whole new identity kit in order to seem like the hiring kind. I had to present myself in a professional manner and convince my future employer that I was a trustworthy, hard-working individual that was right for this job. I really had to be a big kid and really be in charge of everything because I was entering a very adult part of life and I knew no one was gonna hold my hand through this. There was a lot expected of me and I was expected to act like a professional so I did and I made through the summer and made some pretty good money. I’m trying to think of an instance when I mushfaked, but you know the deal – it like when someone asks you to pick a song to play in the car, suddenly you forget every song you’ve ever known. I really can’t think of an exact moment in my life where I’ve had to work with less because I didn’t have everything I needed. I literally cannot think of anything. Well based on what Gee says, I guess it’s more like pretending you know stuff when you really don’t and I guess we’ve all done that. When my friends talk about musicals I haven’t seen or heard of I just kinda nod a long and smile, trying to hide the fact that I have no clue what’s going on. However, I’ll usually go home and research so when I come back to that conversation, I can actually have something to contribute rather than just an awkward smile. Like for example, I still don’t know that much about the musical Hamilton, but I know the basic plot, a few songs, and some of the actors so now I’m not completely lost when people talk about it. I have no idea how to adult but I pretend like I do so it looks like I have all my sh*t together when really I’m kind of a hot mess. Usually on these blogs when I run out of things to say I just say what’s on my mind so it looks like I have more to say on the subject of the blog. Oh no you’ve discovered my secret! Shhh, don’t tell anyone. Oh look I’m doing it now. You are witnessing live action mushfaking. You’re welcome.